Little white lies - Why you shouldn't always be honest

When you’re told you’re incapable of doing something enough times, you eventually internalise that message. It becomes a prohibitive component of your being, only capable of dislodgment by indefatigable chants far in excess of those that led you into that original delusion.

The process can be highly damaging to your self-confidence, and is often insidious rather than abjectly explicit. A sharp sword of criticism cuts at you with each stab at your capacities - death by a thousand cuts. Subject yourself to enough derision, and the skill upon which others are casting doubt will soon diminish.

What will really hurt you is your own complicity in the process. You cast doubt upon yourself. You compare your weakness to others’ strengths, and your strengths to those possessed by individuals that have spent years mastering their own. If you’re already inclined to self-deprecate, the self-comparisons will impel you to relent, rather than propel you to succeed.

Like every good sword, however, this one is double-edged. If you’re told “You’re great” enough times, you’ll believe it. If you’re asked for advice on IT enough times, you’ll soon take it as a subtle compliment and subconsciously proclaim yourself an IT wizard. There are two components to the process - one is external and the other is internal. Others say; You say. Others think; You think.

Therein, I believe, lies a big secret to success. Nietzsche once said, “The visionary lies to himself, the liar only to others.” I think the visionary lies to both. I’m not advocating fraud, deception and harmful lies here. I’m talking about something far more subtle; far more harmless; far better for everyone.

I was a pretty average student up until VCE® Exam. I came into Year 12 with an obvious disadvantage as a result, because my unwillingness to pay attention in the preceding years meant that some of the foundational skills that those years inculcated flew out of my ears sooner than they did enter them.

However, I was determined to do well in the VCE® Exam. I told myself I would. More subtly, I told others I would. Here’s an example of how:

Right in the beginning of the first semester, my VCE® Exam English teacher circulated some information about an essay we were required to write at home. The essay was to be hand-written. It was to be about the text we had just started studying. It was a piece that our teacher would use to evaluate how advanced each student was. I considered it a big opportunity.

I committed a harmless lie and typed my first copy up. As I’m sure you’re aware, Microsoft Word contains a “synonyms” feature which allows you to locate much nicer sounding words than those you may be naturally disposed to use. I typed my essay up, “synonym-ed” the life out of it, and typed up a second draft. I then wrote the whole thing out. I was careful - I intentionally wrote in some spelling mistakes which I crossed out, committed some solecisms which I also crossed out, and so on, to make it appear as if this draft was the first I had written.

The lie was, of course, a big success. The teacher considered me to have possessed a natural talent for writing, and I received a suitably healthy dose of attention throughout the year. The words of praise were like super effective second-hand smoke. I told a small lie, which grew into a belief shared by my teacher (and soon the other English teachers and staff), which was subsequently projected back toward me, and I eventually internalised. I achieved the highest score for English ever achieved in that school to date, and that was all thanks to a little white lie.

Tell yourself you’re good enough, and others will listen. Your actions - your self-belief - will be contagious. Lie to yourself. Keep repeating that lie, because eventually others around you will tell you what you’ve been telling yourself, and your lie, you’ll realise, is no lie at all.

So much of your success will depend on the story you tell yourself. You have the potential to make yourself smarter and happier and better at whatever it is that you want to do. When your self-confidence rises to a sufficient degree, you’ll take criticisms for what they really are - pearls of wisdom; opportunities for growth; insights, perhaps, into the psyche of the disseminator.

Perspective and mentality is like a wave. You can stand tall and allow it to propel you, or succumb to it and let it pull you beneath the water.